Immortal Jokes

*Getting old in.... Florida*
*Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Tampa, doing nothing.*

*One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'*
*The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'*
*The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'*
*The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'*
*After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'*
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*Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in * *Ft.
Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green
grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a
cucumber she could buy for a penny.*

*The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and
cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for
a penny a piece..*

*The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I
remember the guy you're talking about.*

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*A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a * *Florida
Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the
bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'*

*He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'*
*'So, where were you all these years?'*

*'In prison,' he says.*
*'Why did they put you in prison?'*

*He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'*

*'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'*

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*Two elderly people living in * *Ft. Myers , he was a widower and she a
widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a
community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.*

*The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went
on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage
to ask her, 'Will you marry me?'*

*After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes..
Yes, I will!'*

*The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their
respective places.. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did
she say 'no'?'*

*He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a
faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.*

*First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the lovely evening past.. As he gained a little more courage, he
inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you
say 'No'?'*

*He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'*

** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
*A man was telling his neighbor in * *Miami , 'I just bought a new hearing
aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect.'*

*'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'*

*'* *Twelve thirty.'*
** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **

*A little old man shuffled slowly into the '**Orange Dipper', an ice cream
parlor in Naples , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.*

*After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.*
*The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'*
*'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids*

*Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly! *