Tuesday, December 16, 2008

4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

THIRD Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Kris-Kringle Rules


To Looney, Disney and Other Characters who joined in the fun:

- Donald Duck, Pink Panther, Simba, Nemo, Snoopy, Hello Kitty, Mickey Mouse, Garfield, Winnie the Pooh, Tweety Bird, Piglet, Bugs Bunny

The gift giving activity fun starts soon. Below are the fun details:

A. Gift Giving Dates, Theme and Worth

1. Weekly Gift Giving, Worth SGD 3, Theme indicated as per respective dates below
- Nov 17 Mon - something spongy and polka-dotty or stripy or checkered
- Nov 26 Wed - something chunky and colorful
- Dec 1 Mon - something wet and sparkling

Wrap your gifts using clean newspaper. Put your gifts in designated place (see Item B) before the end-day of the scheduled gift dates.

2. Revelation Week and Final Gift, Worth SGD 10, Free Theme
- Dec 9 Tue - free theme
- Details for this final gift will be discussed later on including how to go about revealing who you are and who you are giving gift to.

B. Where to Put the Gift
- To be defined ... we will discuss over lunch again

C. When to Collect Gift

- We will collect our gifts together at the same time as much as possible at the day end of the Gift Gving dates

D. Other Special Reminders

1. Keep your identity a secret. Do not reveal your character and the character you are giving gift to.
As such, please label your gifts and put your gifts in designated place (to be defined) secretly .
2. Please do not miss any week not to give gifts. If you were not really able to give for a certain week, then give that gift along with the other gift for the next week. Do not combine them.
3. Please put your gift in the designated place before the gift collection schedule.
4. Lastly, do not forget who you are and who you are giving gift to! If it would help, you can mail your own self and send to only yourself who you are and who you are giving gift to.

Lastly, Have fun selecting your gift and receving gifts too!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Tomato Story


We'll Know What Is Better When It Comes To Earning Money

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

' You are employed ' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I ' ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied ' But I don ' t have a computer, neither an email ' .

' I ' m sorry ' , said the HR manager. If you don ' t have an email, that means you do not exist.

And who doesn ' t exist, cannot have the job. '

The man left with no hope at all. He didn ' t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US He started to plan his family ' s future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied, ' I don ' t have an email. '

The broker answered curiously, ' You don ' t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!! '

The man thought for a while and replied, ' Yes, I ' d be an office boy at Microsoft! ' Moral of the story :

Moral 1 Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2 If you don ' t have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3 If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy/girl,than a millionaire...........

P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I am closing my email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Diary Entry of Inday


Dear Diary,

It was jazz an ordinary day.

The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!
Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman
nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe,
andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin
ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: "Indaaaayyyy.
....."

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

"Dodong!" sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to
their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to be
loud and proud." Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo
kami from the crowd.

"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.

"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh"
sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong?
Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he's
every woman's dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate
noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa
ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after
that were not an item anymore.

"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?" tanong ni
Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. "What's your odor sir?"
sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.

"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of
boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat
of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial
and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad
feeling fully" dagdag ni ya.

"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on my
carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

"I'll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is
going too far. Besides, it's a long, long way to run.

"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact,
I'm happily married" pagmamalaki ko.

"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn't expect you still
have more feelings than I expected. i don't want you getting the way.

Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect." dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The
seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na
rin sya. "I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To
think it's his oth er woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having
panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo.
Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita
ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko sa mamang guard.

"Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure." sagot niya.

"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got
lost in my eyes."

"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care."

"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something
peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying
static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you
go, there you are!" pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world
started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In
the matter of minute, it's all over. I'm out of arm's way.

"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi
niya: "I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you
shout but at first I didn't give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko
kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know
something is a missed."

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn't even
sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa
ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on
cloud.

Friday, September 26, 2008

A Love Story **nosebleed

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come fromthe same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed onetime on another. But it's only now that I gave him asecond look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes.The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cutepala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "Ihope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worryako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko,connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa anggalit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya!I criedbuckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang nathis is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of hisfeelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love.Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowedour fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time.After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will youmarriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakinmo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to betrue. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a manysplendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everythingswell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglangsa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng,"Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What thefuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they werestill on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me someslacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I hadto sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling herboyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the roleof the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! Itold her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problemanymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everythingis coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriendsaid liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Lookat is this way. She's our of our lives."
Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can nevercan tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there.Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just prayfor the internal and external repose of yoursoul. I second emotion.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Deaf Wife

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and hethought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her,he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband couldperform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away fromher and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was inthe den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see whathappens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from hiswife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from hiswife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey,what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

(I just love this)

"Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

Thursday, August 7, 2008

To my loving wife....


A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.


However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message.

Meanwhile, Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,

Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.


The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've just reached

Date: 13th Oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;

************

MORAL OF STORY - be careful while sending mails if not mishaps like these happen

Friday, July 4, 2008

4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO


There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!"

THIRD Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Do You Dare?


ONE-POINT DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

TWO POINT DARES

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."
5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.
6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights."(5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)
10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna trade?"
11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.
18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts. And if that wasn't enough for you...

How to keep a healthy level of insanity:

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your waste basket on your desk and label it "IN".
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
7) Don't use any punctuation
8) Use, too...much; punctuation!
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Best 'Out of Office' Automatic E-mail Replies


1) I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to
you if I fail to get the position.

2) You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3) Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4) I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.

5) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


6) The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your
message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.


7) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8) Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC
for my response.


9)I've run away to join a different circus.

10) I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

English - Tagalog Dictionary - UPDATED!

Iba to! (updated version)

01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
07) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Understanding Accents

Root of problem: The Chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?


Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Monday, March 31, 2008

High Technology

TWO YOUNG LADIES AND AN OLD WOMAN
WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
'THAT WAS MY PAGER ,SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.'

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED,SHE EXPLAINED,
'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE ,I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH.
NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.

SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID......
' WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX ' !!

Friday, February 29, 2008

Enthusiastic Salesman




A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

" Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady


**********
MORAL: Gather All resources before working on any project...!! !

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Makabagong Domestic Helper



Sa sobrang daming DH na college grad, eto na ang makabagong pinoy na DH.....


* Isang makabago at Modernong Inday na iyong masasaksihan dahil
kailangang pang "Global" na tayo!
*
"I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the
use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute
significantly to the value of work that you want. My creativity,
productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can
offer will boost the work progress..."


sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago nyang amo!


"Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state are rapidly converted to
glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When
cooked in high temperatures like French fries, they produce large amount
of free radicals in the body causing aging, clotting, inflammation,
cancer, weight gain. One French fry is worse that one cigarette."


sagot ni Inday sa amo nya kung bakit di sya nagluluto ng French fries.
(Nutritionist din pala si Inday!)


"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can
only imagine how you can handle schizophrenic kids on this educational
institution. Revise your policies because it sucks!"


Inday kasama si Junior sa principal's office. (Tulala ang principal)
"Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages
and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflicted
upon you!"


Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na wag malikot


"Nurture others with positive, ruthful words, not words that hurt. It
doesn't cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what you
mean. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with
your words."


yan ang sabi ni Inday nung di sya pinautang at pinagmumura pa ng amo nya


"Dear Sir/Madam,


Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my
proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made
initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could
vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and
demand which we also monitor on an hourly basis."


si Inday, nagpapaalam para mamalengke!


"The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased
amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those
actions are irreversible. I do apologize."


nageexplain si Inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam (aba, career much si Inday!)
"Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way
of entertainment. It doesn't contribute to the good of the society. I
hate character assassinators!"


reklamo ni Inday ng natsismis sya ng kapitbahay! (di ko kinaya si Inday!)

Amo: Bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!


Inday: A change in weather patterns might have occurred, wreaking havoc
to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the
gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was
heading for.


Amo: (nosebleed!)