Best 'Out of Office' Automatic E-mail Replies

1) I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to
you if I fail to get the position.

2) You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3) Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4) I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.

5) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


6) The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your
message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.


7) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8) Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC
for my response.


9)I've run away to join a different circus.

10) I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.

English - Tagalog Dictionary - UPDATED!

Iba to! (updated version)

01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
07) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...

Understanding Accents

Root of problem: The Chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?


Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!