My Favorite Christmas Cookie

1 cup of water
4 large eggs
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup nuts
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo
again, to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and
drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make
sure the Cuervo is still OK. Try another cup . . . just in case. Turn off
the miserer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit. Pick the friggin fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If the
fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a
drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two
cups of salt, or something.

Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon
of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat
off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose
Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas.

He Said To Me.... I Said To him

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him .......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me.. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him .. . They already have boyfriends.

I said. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him ... . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying F--YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Sa Iyong Paglumbay

Sa kabila ng iyong dalumhati

Lunes na makulimlim nakikisama

Kami ay lubos mong napangiti

Sa iyong nakakatuwang talumhati

Datapwat ang muling akala

Na ang dahilan ng iyong paglumbay

Ay ang pagpapakasal nong Biyernes ni Pana

Pero di bale ikaw naman ay may isa pang Papa

Ikaw rin ay lubusang maaalala

Kulang ang alaskahan kung ikaw ay wala

Ngunit labis naming ikakatuwa

Dahil ika’y nakita naming nagdalaga sa lupa ng SirenangLeon

Kaya kung ikaw ay mapadaang muli sa Singapura

Ikaw ay mapasabi

At kung kami ay narito pa

Siguradong tayo ay magkikita-kita.

Grabe ka, makata ka pala Eliza!

Ingat sa pag-inom at baka ma-ulit ang pag-ikot ng paligid tulad sa Diageo.

Yong pag-sideline ng tulad sa Kamayan, iwasan okay.

Tatandaan namin ang 10-10-10!

Ingat lagi and keep in touch. We miss you!

Napatawa mo kami sa dalawa mong mail!

Ako'y nalulumbay...

Sa aking mga Kaibigan,

Ako'y nalulumbay sa kadahilanang mawawalan na ng bisa ang aking email address.....

Higit sa lahat, ay aking sobrang namimiss ang mga tao sa SIA bldg.. pati un nsa DEAGEO bldg..

ang paghahanap ng mauupuan... ang pagkain ng lunch.. ang pagkape...
ang pagkain ng dessert... ang pagbili ng inumin..
ang paghingi ng sukli na 50 cen... ang pagpalitan ng kuru-kuro..
ang pagchikahan.. na madalas ay ako ang napagdidiskitahan...
pero okay lang sken un.. basta, kung saan kayo masaya... suportahan taka... ;-)
isama ko na rin ang Tanjong Pagar... na kung saan ako ay..................

kumakain sa Kamayan..... (kala nyo a... isip nyo suma-side-line noh! =P )

isa pang napakahalagang bahagi neto ay ang lau pa sat..
salamat LAU PA SAT! lagi mo kaming binubusog..... at nawa'y patuloy mo silang busugin...
naging masaya ang aking eksperiensya sa Singapura dahil sa inyong lahat..
kaya't taos pusong pasasalamat ang aking alay...

Good luck to all of you... more power on your career and wish you all good health...
all the best for you and your family!
God bless and I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

To all
My friends....
and colleagues....
Thank you....

It's been a pleasure working with you. Good bye and see you again.. =)

A BETTER WAY FORWARD...

Anagrams

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACH ER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie....... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher